Him and the Heartbreak
“I don’t think this is working out,” he said as he stood in the rain outside my apartment.
I met him on an English department trip to Canada the summer before our junior year. We talked all summer, and we made things official the weekend before the fall semester started. Leading up to that moment, I had told him about my faith. I told him that I love Jesus more than anyone or anything, that I want to get married and have lots of babies someday. Finally, I told him that I want to wait until marriage. Although he didn’t share my faith, we wanted to date each other anyway. He was kind, he was funny, he was a great cook, he was smart, he loved music and musicals, and at the time, he loved me.
After two months, he broke up with me. He must have changed his mind about being fine with dating a Catholic girl, or maybe he never was. I thought we wanted the same things, but as it turns out, that wasn’t the case. Of course, all of this is okay, but in the moment, it broke my heart. Although I’m sure this wasn’t his intention, he left me feeling inadequate, empty, and unworthy of love. I cried that night until my head was sore and my voice was hoarse.
My Good Heavenly Father
I had dated a lot in high school, but in college, I waited and prepared myself for something serious. Prior to dating him, I was single for about two and a half years. After spending those years of praying for a boyfriend and for myself to become holier for one, I felt like I had lost my chance. I hoped that the next boyfriend I had would be the one God wanted me to marry. As He usually does, God had other plans. I would ask God to help me love my future husband the way that He created him to be loved. I would pray that my future husband was growing closer to God and preparing to meet me and love me. As I prayed, God in His goodness was at work, but He’s full of surprises and He kept me on my toes.
I can’t say that I was mad at God. I didn’t shake my fist at Him and scream through my tears, but I cried while I layed in bed and simply asked Him why. For two months after that breakup, I went to Him like a little girl goes to her dad when she’s hurt. I didn’t want to talk about it with Him, but I needed Him for comfort. Despite giving Him the silent treatment for a while, my Heavenly Father was patient with me. He let me feel sad. He waited until I was ready to let him in little by little.
After this intense and painful heartbreak, I learned that God doesn’t show us gold and give us silver. He gives us good things according to His perfect timing. When he sees that we have something that isn’t meant for us, He removes it, like any good Father does. Of course, this might make us upset, as children often are when they’re told “no.” I thought my boyfriend at the time was the one for me. I realize now that God had someone else in mind for me, my fiancé Nathan. Although I could go on and on about the sweet love story that God wrote for me and Nathan, I have a few more words to write about heartbreak.
Enjoying this post? Subscribe to Radiant with Joy!
Let Him Be Near to You
Our Heavenly Father doesn’t want to see His children sad, but He’s present with us in our heartbreaks. During times like these, I remember verse 18 of my favorite psalm, Psalm 34, which reads, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.” We can find comfort and even joy in knowing that God is close to us when our hearts are broken. He lets us rest in Him to find the peace and comfort that only He can give. He’s constantly working in our lives to share His goodness with us.
If you’re struggling with a broken heart right now, know that you’re not alone. Remember that God is always with you and always there to listen, to soak up your tears, and to be your soft place to land. I understand that it doesn’t always feel like God is there. Sometimes He can feel so far away, but from someone whose heart was completely obliterated and pieced back together, I urge you to hold onto whatever sliver of hope, faith, and trust in God you can muster up. He loves you more than you can fathom, and He’ll never leave your or forsake you. As much as you’re able to, place the pieces of your broken heart into His caring and gentle hands and let Him renew it.
Click the links below to visit Radiant with Joy’s social media and Etsy Shop!