Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your word.
Luke 1:38
Many Small Sacrifices
As many of you know, I did Fiat 90 this year. I mentioned facets of it in several blog posts, but to refresh your memory, I’ll explain it again. Fiat 90 is a 90-day retreat for young Catholic women. It offers us a radical way of growing in virtue, especially detachment, which helps us to live in the world and not of it. Fiat 90 is a beautiful way to grow in holiness as we emulate Mary’s fiat, her “yes” to let God’s will be done. It involves intentionally praising the Lord through body, mind, and soul as many small sacrifices and ways of choosing God become one big sacrifice for him.
Click here to read “Let it Be Done: Why I’m Doing Fiat 90.”
Fiat 90 ended on May 13, the Feast Day of Our Lady of Fatima. Now that it’s over, I want to follow up with all of you and let you know how Fiat went.
Following Fiat
Fiat started off well. No one does Fiat 90 perfectly, but I was pretty close for the first few weeks of it. I did all of the things mostly well. It was hard at first to not snack between meals and not eat sweets, but I did it. I woke up at my first alarm and went to bed by midnight. I wasn’t gossiping, complaining, or making unnecessary purchases, and I listened to a lot of praise and worship music and Catholic podcasts. What came as second nature to me was all of the prayer that Fiat 90 required. I loved going to Mass and Confession often, and I had already formed a routine of praying in the Newman Center chapel every morning.
However, when the Coronavirus Pandemic began, I dropped the ball on my Fiat 90 journey. What broke my heart the most was that I couldn’t receive the sacraments. I felt so separated from our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament that I fell into a prayer slump. I got comfortable at home, so I started snacking in between meals, eating sweets, and watching a lot of TV. As you can see, there were times that I felt like I wasn’t even doing Fiat 90 anymore.
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The Beauty of New Beginnings
I considered giving up a few times, but for some reason I never did. Maybe it’s because I don’t like giving up and I always try to finish what I start. I think persevering with Fiat was my way of trying to find consistency. With public Masses being cancelled and life being uncertain because of the pandemic, Fiat (or what I could still do of it) was how I continued my walk with the Lord and how I continued to grow closer to God.
Doing Fiat 90 in the middle of a pandemic wasn’t just difficult. At least for me, it was nearly impossible. There were times that I really stunk at Fiat. I would barely do the things and I’d feel like I wasn’t doing Fiat at all. I’m grateful that God gave me the will to persist in Fiat 90. Regardless, the last thing that I wanted to do was give up. I’m glad I kept going and realized the goodness of new beginnings. Along with a deeper love for God and Mary, I finished Fiat with an appreciation for the new start that tomorrow brings. I might have failed yesterday, but I can still start again today and be better.
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